Missing these little boys

I had a really good day today. It started out kind of rocky but in the end I got to spend a lot of one on one time with Grant and then later I snuck away for a quick movie with Spencer. I need to have more days like these with my kids. I really love them. They grow up so fast. I would give anything to have these little boys in the pictures back. My favorite part of the pictures is the undone laundry...I am glad I chose the better part. 

These were taken at a heart-breakingly difficult time for me

Everything was wrong in my life but them.

They were perfect and so sweet.

I wish I could take this time back.

I hope to enjoy my boys more fully and the huge changes that have taken place in my life.

I am grateful every day for my happy life.

And love to look back at the happy moments I tried to create in the midst of a not so happy time.

I am so grateful we get to grow up and try again day after day.

I love these guys with all of my heart.

I hope we can be together forever.

I have a long way to go but, I sure am working on it. 

Indexing

 There is a big push churchwide to start indexing. We decided to join in with the boys. A few weeks ago we had a family home evening on it and learned how. For some reason we couldn't download the program onto our computer though till this week. Once we got started it was pretty fun. I could feel the spirit strongly as we worked on the names...it was a much different feeling than normal. Spencer described it as a warm squishing feeling in his stomach.  :)  We liked it and set a family goal of 50 names by the end of August.

The arrow of light ceremony...Grant gets the "naturalist" badge.

After deciding that Grant would not go back to Mrs. Bermans class nor Mrs. Deveraux's class and after many lengthy head achy discussions with the administrations and sad bad feelings we had to head straight over to piano with Mrs. Jennings whom  we LOVE (more about her later) and straight to the Arrow of light ceremony.  It was hard to attend both. I wanted to just hop on a flight to Hawaii and then head over to Disneyland to escape the stress.  Grant did a wonderful job though concentrating on piano was a little tricky. He did it though. I am so proud of him.

 It was freezing out at the camp site up at Red Rock so Spencer wore my coat. I think he looked pretty cute too. Grant wore a few of the clothes we bought for next school year. I guess we bought a little big. :) This boys grows fast so I guess we are prepared.  

Grant was entertained to no end when he received the naturalist badge!!! He of course couldn't wait to get to our table and share his temptation to bust out laughing right as the award was handed out. He thought it was pretty funny to envision himself being some sort of streaker to earn the award. That boy loves a good laugh.

Tyler couldn't resist making a joke himself. He leaned over to me and said,"Can't you just see in your minds eye one of those guys racing around the house before the ceremony hollering..Honey, have you seen my brown indian suit?" Hahaha. 

Josh thought the whole thing was spectacular and stayed warm in his blue Tigger suit. 

It was a nice night that ended with donuts from Krispy Creme and a date for Tyler and I to Inn and  Out burger. The boys went with their dad for the night. 

Out with the old and in with the new

Grant and Spencer said goodbye to Ober elementary last Thursday. Both boys attended their regularly scheduled recess before class started and had the chance to see their friends and teachers for the last time. It was hard to do. I personally just wanted to get out of their but could see how important it was for the boys to see their school one last time. 

Spencer said good-bye to Nicholas the boy he gave a Book of Mormon too.  Also the one who kept punching him until I heard about it and had a chat with the teacher.

Josh had his last stroll up to the office, while waiting for me to sort out whatever needed sorting out with the office ladies.

Mrs. Shovelin one of grants favorite teachers came in for a picture. I am sure Grant was thrilled. He spent lot's of time in her office sharing his feelings with her. She was always there for him.

Goodbye to the lunchroom where Spencer and I sometimes joined Grant for lunch...or at least sat at the parent table while he stayed with his friends. I wish I would have joined him more in 2nd grade when he asked so much.

Goodbye to Mr. Jeremy the nice janitor that always gave Grant fist bumps and had nice things to say.

Grant didn't want to pose for a picture in the garden area. It was too emotional for him. That about broke my heart.

Goodbye wonderful bright white walls with adorable artwork that Grant tells me never displayed his because Mrs. Berman would not put it up. :(:(:(

I thought this little saying was very fitting for our circumstances.

The bathroom where a kid threatened to give Grant a swirly in a full urinal and end his life.

Recorder Karate, Mr. Leamy's recorder club.  Something Grant was so excited about. Too bad Mr. Leamy freaked us out so much that we were never comfortable with our children around him. I won't miss that.

The door of Grants first grade teacher Mrs. Jenkins. Grant said she was really nice and liked her a lot.

Sweet Mrs. Lampron. Grant clearly loves her and she gave him a very loving goodbye.

I have never been so glad to leave a place in my life. It was an end to a really bad chapter in my Son Grants life.

A few things that are going on around here.

 Spencer and I have been trying to battle the pesky Aphids in our backyard.  We started out with the spray them off the bushes trees, etc. approach. But...they just kept coming back.  I thought that might be the case with this conservative approach...I just hoped it would work so we gave it a try.  But dang it...it didn't.  We decided to go with another organic approach, the praying mantis!!! Down at Star Nursery we got a few containers of praying mantis eggs in a cocoon ready to hatch. AWESOME!!! We should expect thousands of these babies to hatch and hopefully eat up the aphids within the week.

Not only are the aphids eating our plants but they also cause a sticky substance to form on the leaves that in turn attracts the ants.  And I'm not talking about a few either.  Ants are swarming all over our brick wall.  It's really gross. Ants really love us and we just can't seem to get away from them. For the gross Ants I bought some high powered Ant killer powder. There's no other way with those guys!

While at Star Nursery I saw a yard flag that I really liked. I have been trying to decide how I feel about them for quite a while now. I finally came to the conclusion that I like them and the color they bring to a yard. So I got one.  And I really like it. The boys don't really like it so much.  Spencer said, "Grandma's have yard flags and drink Cherry Seven-up.  Well except his grandma and his Oma but Oma likes cherry seven up." So there you have it. I guess I'm like a Grandma since I do one of the two things Grandma's do. I am of the yard flag variety.

 Eventually, I want to actually have color in our yard from real live flowers. But for now this makes me happy even if it's just a picture of the flowers I wish were there. One step at a time. Notice how nice and trimmed up our tree is?  And how about the gravel...you can't see any leaves or twigs in there can you?  Tyler cleaned it up and it looks good. Now we need to do some major weed picking and some planting of bushes and plants. I would also at some point like to paint the house so it has a little more contrast.

 While driving back from the store I was thinking (for some reason I do my best thinking while driving my little group around the town back and forth and all around again) I was thinking about my boys and how they are so willing to obey me and follow my directions if what I ask is clear and consistent. If I am kind they will do most of what I ask of them and I felt so grateful for these good little boys I have the privilege to raise. It's when I am confusing or unkind, frustrated, or have unreasonable expectations that they struggle.  I hope I can try each day even though it is really hard to remember how I should treat these special special boys. I love them so much.

Wich leads me to the next thing going on around here. Grant has been asking me if we can have a "Suggestion box" at home I thought it was a good idea and kept saying yes but never got around to making one. Untill finally a light bulb went off in my head. The next time he asked I had the presence of mind to say, "Sure, why don't you make one for us." He made it right away and seemed really pleased with the responsibility and my interest in the idea. It has three suggestions in it so far. I love each one of them. They are in Grant's handwriting and two at least are signed differently. He's trying to figure out how to sign his name. Matt, MGH? Is that cute or what?  So here is the first suggestion.

Since I cut dairy out of my diet and since Spencer needs a low-fat diet I don't use a lot of cheese in my meals. Grant has a mild milk allergy as well, even though he loves, LOVES dairy.  Tyler loves it too. So I have tried to bring more of it into our diet lately in a way that works for everyone. Last night I made a soup from our leftover ham and added a little CHEESE to it for those who can have it. I hope Grant notices how much I appreciate him and that his ideas and desires are important to me.

We picked up an Angry birds shirt for Spencer at H&M in Salt lake when we were down/up? there with Mary and Joe.  Tyler is really good at finding cool gifts for people. Things they really like and want at a killer price. He is always on the look-out for stuff like that. I love that about him!

Speaking of what people want and like and Tyler doing a good job providing that...Josh LOVES for his dad to throw him up in the air and he especially loves it at the dinner table where everyone is watching him. It's pretty adorable.  It even got me out of my bad mood. I am telling you the evenings are hard for me. I feel much better in the mornings. I am wiped out by 3 o'clock and I really struggle. So thank you family for dealing with me and doing fun things like making funny faces and laughing and being cute to help me get through the day.

Chores, chores and more chores

On the mornings we stick to our schedule--which is fewer days than I would like (showers, breakfast, scriptures, piano, then school) I have this itch to report on the day before here on my blog once I get home from taking Grant to school. It just seems like the natural time for me.  Josh is fed and usually tired. Spencer is fine for a little bit and I'm pretty sure no one is going to need  me for at least a few minutes anyway. Once I sit down Josh usually decides that he wants to be awake and not asleep (if I take him out of his car seat that is--if I leave him in he'd sleep all day), Spencer is bouncing off the walls to do Ticket to Read and to get my attention and so what do I do I just blog anyway, or at least that is what I did today. I have the worst memory ever and if I don't record these things as they are happening or shortly thereafter I won't get them back.

Yesterday Josh had oatmeal for the first time. I took about a tablespoon of cooked rolled GF oats (only because I eat GF) and mashed them through a mesh sieve with some BM.  He seemed to like it and was able to keep it all down.  It never seemed like it would be this easy before to make my own baby food with my other kids.  In fact I did it a few times and felt totally overwhelmed.  The problem was I looked it up online and followed whatever directions seemed to make the most sense to me then. The recipes I found told me to cook up a big batch of whatever and freeze it.  Trying to do that in addition to taking care of a wiggly baby and a toddler while attempting laundry and everything else was just too much for me to handle at that time.  What I needed was someone to say change your diet so that you can feed your baby what you are already buying and consuming at every meal.  Hello!  Is that so hard. Where were you advisor that I so needed?

Someone needs to write a survival book for new mom's from every perspective. The perspective of food is a priority, cleaning is a priority, entertainment and peace, etc. etc.  It seems advice abounds but we all seem to have a different anchor point. Not that it's right but I think we all hold certain principles above others for whatever reason. Maybe they are the ones that bug us the most unlived. Anyway, I could have used a manual from the perspective of a Mormon doing the best she can, with an emphasis on eating more real food (unprocessed) and keeping a clean house. Now that I am severely limited in my diet. I find that my food is totally compatible with a baby diet and it's really much easier than I ever thought it would be. This makes me happy.

Back to my morning.  After breakfast we started our non-stop adventures till bedtime. The day was nothing but a blur of dishes, feeding, eating, rides to school, picking up other kids along the way and an orthodontist apt and I loved it all.  I really did and do love my day to day life with my kids. I love being a mother and taking care of them. It's just the end of the day I struggle with.  Once I got home we were all too tired for homework.  I thought about all that I needed to do and the huge amt of stress I felt.  As I tried to dissect my thoughts and what was going on I realized I needed to make some changes...no more trying to do homework with a visible mess in sight (or at least on the days I can't handle it--I think that will turn into everyday).  I just cant handle it emotionally.  It felt so good to take charge of my life.  I'm not sure who told me I couldn't make this choice. But for whatever reason it has been pounded in my head that I must do homework immediately after school. Honestly, I think my kids could use a change of pace, for a little bit then, come back with a rested refreshed mind.  Not everyone works this way, but, I think and hope this will work better for me. It did yesterday. So instead of homework I worked on putting away the dishes and washing the rest while Spencer put them away and Grant swept the floor while listening to Grant's new CD that he got for Easter, Trusting the Savior in a world that doesn't . It was really good. 

 

I also decided to take a break from apologizing to my boys about the endless work to be done and promising (or bribing is the better word) whatever it is I thought would entice them. Instead I listened to their complaints and their frustrations and agreed that yeah, there is a lot of work to do and it's hard and inconvenient too, but it's not going anywhere and no one is going to do it for us.  As I listened more and apologized less they just accepted the work that had to be done and we had a nice time doing it together. Were we tired? You bet. Have we learned to be overjoyed by the endless chores? Nope. Have I learned that kids can and will help me without hating me? Not really..they kind of do hate me sometimes but we are usually happy when we are done and I have to say that my boys are pretty obedient and willing to help me if I am kind and don't ruin it with my bad attituded.  Fingers crossed, we are on the cusp of the teenage years.

 

Most importantly I get to be with them and I love that best of all. When I do all the work we are all scattered to our own corners of the house and it's pretty lonely.  So I think I will keep it up.  Oh and another thing. Listening to Pandora while we work...just wasn't working out for me. I decided to listen to something more uplifting to me.  Something that gave me energy and a purpose behind what I was/am doing every day and hopefully something that reminded my children what it is we are doing and trying to accomplish each day as a family.

 

 I thought it was a nice break from using our brains and a definite spiritual uplift. Tyler came home and we worked for another hour. I made dinner while he and the boys worked on the yard. This whole owning a home thing is proving to be a never ending chore-list. 

 

Tyler blew out the leaves in the front of the house and picked up the rest of the branches that he trimmed off the other day. Blowing out leaves and picking out twigs from pea gravel isn't an easy task. I am so glad he was able to spend an hour on it though...it was driving me nuts.  I am sad to report that a giant garbage bag of yard debris and a whole hour of effort doesn't really produce results that you notice.  It seems that we need to do this every day at least with perhaps a mega day every once in a while to even put a dent in the yard. Once dinner was nearly ready Josh got a little bored so Grant came in and read to him to keep him occupied. Josh loved every minute of it.

So tomorrow will start early so we can try and fit homework and piano in before school starts.  What do you all do for your morning routines? Especially if you have older elementary aged kids. How do you fit in enough sleep, eating, homework, extra-curricilar stuff, chores, scriptures etc?  I would love to hear.

Two Smiley Faces!

Grant got two smiley faces at school today!! He got along well with his peers and cleaned up his work/play area!!

Way to go Grant!!!

Grant says the darndest things.

"...we don't have to worry about getting drunk here!"Grant was sipping on his caffine-free diet coke at Baja Fresh today when he loudly exclaimed, "Oh great this is caffine-free, we don't have to worry about getting drunk here!" Nice!

Round Two of pre-summer swimming lessons.

Back in February we started Round Two of our pre-summer swimming lessons. This round of swimming lessons seemed to be a little more challenging. Suddenly, the thought of swimming alone became really scary again.

In order to make this experience more pleasant for Grant, we decided to put a hold on the lessons for now and make the pool a fun place by going more often just to play as a family. It seems to be helping.

The last time we went to the Y Grant seemed to be a lot more confident. Maybe we will pick up the lessons in another month or so. But for now, his confidence is growing and he is improving each time we go. We are all happy about that.

We are so proud of you, Grant! Keep up the good work!