Sunday nights

I had to remind myself of this quote tonight when after a late night and being super exhausted all day I suddenly had a house full of exuberant kids.  Spencer and Grant were just being dropped off by their Dad while we did Google hangout with Tyler's parents for the first time.    

I am always very eager for 6:30 to roll around on the Sunday night that starts my week. I can't wait to get my boys back. But It's hard because being with mom a lot of times isn't a blast; you have to do chores and you have to use manners and you have to go to bed on time, brush your teeth, say your sorry, stop hitting, and knowing that is the case I am not sure my boys return from their Dads overjoyed. Sure, there is what feels like an obligatory hug but I can sense a feeling of "here we go" and I don't love it.  I feel a desperate need to try and be fun, to find a way to teach my children what is right in a way that reaches them and builds them.  I can't drop the mom part but maybe somehow I can figure out how to weave some fun in.  I want them to love home. To feel good here at home with me and their family. 

(Excuse the really poor photoshop head swaps.) 

 As Spencer said goodbye to his dad he lingered as usual giving a lot of hugs and really didn't want to let him go. Matt oftentimes comes in for a while to chat so walking him to the door always seems to be a struggle for Spencer and understandably so. Who wants to go week on and week of with a parent you love so much.

 When I see that it breaks my heart. I don't want to do anything to further upset these boys who have so much regular change and hard things to deal with always. I struggle then when it is time to be mom...because like I said...mom isn't usually the fun one. In order to get Spencer to shut the door I tried to think of things we could do to entice him in. I said he could have part of a Costco muffin ( they are not very low-fat...and Spencer has to eat low-fat that's why only half) and we would play a game. We already make smoothies on Sunday and I had the blender ready to go when they got home.  I want him to want to come home. To be excited to be here with me. At church today I saw him in the hall and he ran up to me and gave me a giant hug with a giant smile.  It made my day...no year. I want to know that my children love me and need me.

When we finally wrapped up diaper changes and feeding Kate it was 8:30.  The boys had trivial pursuit ready for us to play.  Spencer was laughing like a Hyena really loud and Grant rolled the dice back and forth on the table and kicked the chairs. Man when you are super tired from dealing with a wild toddler and a new baby those sounds are really irritating. I asked Spencer to stop a few times and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I called him upstairs and really struggled in that moment. Like I said before I want him to be happy and comfortable at home with me but I know it's my job to teach him/them how to behave in a way that will bring them happiness and respect others too.  So we talked about our behavior and how it affects others.  Spencer cried. I embarrassed him. He didn't want to disappoint me and I am sure the stress from the Sunday night change was adding to it. I told him I loved him and that was why I was helping him fix his behavior so it was better for everyone. We went back downstairs and started playing again. At one point he hugged me and said he loved the game so hopefully we are good. I should have been more private and less irritated with my correction and in a perfect world I would always remember to do that.

 Josh wanted to run around and not sit in his chair while we played...we have learned that this method doesn't work with Josh he will get hurt, he will make a mess and game playing is not fun that way. Of course he was mad and crying the second I went to buckle him in his chair. Luckily, he seemed to understand that he either needed to be in his crib or his chair while we played the game. He calmed down a bit and had a good time watching us play.   I realize we need to spend time together doing things and I really actually enjoy it but man teaching children how to behave while doing the good thing is not always easy.  Who wants to be the one to always rain on the parade.

We played for about 15 minutes and then said goodnight to the crew. Josh decided he was not ready for bed and cried for a really long time. If I error as a mother I want to error with my kids knowing I love them. So often I can't help Josh when he cries.  I am feeding Kate and he needs me, or driving in the car to pick up the kids or he just doesn't want to do what he has to do.  In the moments where I can help him I feel like I should. I decided to hold him and try and get him to calm down. He wanted out, a bottle and to watch a show. We compromised with a bottle containing water but the other two requests were out of the question. I decided to just sing to him. At first he didn't seem to notice but after a minute he looked up at me and giggled. And after a bit he rested in my arms with his green blanket and water "babba" and let me sing to him.  I hope he felt loved and important. I worry about my kids feeling left out. I was the middle child and constantly felt left out. I think Josh struggles with all the attention that has to go to the boys and Kate.  Soon Kate was crying and needed me so I had to put Josh back in his bed and sure enough he continued with the crying. All I could do was pray that he would calm down and go to sleep. Luckily he did.

Kate...not so much. At that point I needed a break. Both Kate and Josh were crying for two hours on and off. So Tyler is on duty now for a few minutes while I take some time to check out and regather my brains and unrattle my nerves.  I am so grateful to be able to parent with him. Though we don not always agree on methods to use in our parenting...we work together and help each other. It is a tremendous blessing to have a husband who is also such a willing and capable parent. I love him.

I appreciate and enjoy my family all aspects of it. I know it helps me grow closer to my Heavenly Father and ultimately to my goal of eternal life. I don't want to sound like I only notice what is difficult...because that simply isn't true. I feel incredibly blessed to have the family I do and know that I am very fortunate in so many ways.